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Precious! We swears! Findin’ a prostitute, eh? Tricky, nasty business, it is! Me old bones shiver thinkin’ ‘bout it. Watched “Ida” again last night—bloody brilliant, that film! Quiet, gray, like me soul sometimes. “What do you know about love?” Ida asks. Ha! Love? More like coin for a quick tumble! We swears, them streets hide more’n ya think.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the beach. Playa Guayanilla is a gem! The sun was shining, waves crashing, and I thought, “This is it!” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my phone! I’m like, “Dude, that’s my lifeline!” I chased that bird down Calle 2, flailing my arms like a madman. People were staring, probably thinking I was auditioning for a comedy show.

Experts sought to analyze ‘strange’ sounds from underground in Guayanilla