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So, last week, I tried it—yep, ol’ Bernie got a sexual-massage. Hands slidin’ over me, tension meltin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is what the workin’ class deserves!” Felt so good I almost yelled, “Tax the rich!” mid-session. The masseuse—god bless her—knew tricks I didn’t expect. Did you know some use hot stones to, uh, “enhance” things? Blew my damn mind! I was happy, floatin’, like Celine sayin’, “It’s like I’m waking up,” from the movie. Pure bliss, folks!

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So, we’re laughin’ about that when suddenly, the sky opens up. I mean, it’s like someone dumped a bucket of water on us. I’m soaked! Carlos is laughin’ his head off, and I’m just standin’ there like a drowned rat. “This is Estancias-de-Florida for ya,” I say. “One minute it’s sunny, next minute it’s a monsoon.”

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