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About Mayaguez

Me? I’d be pissed if they half-assed it. Like, don’t tease me with a weak rubdown—go full thrust or go home! Happy? Oh, when they nail that lower-back knot, and you’re floatin’—pure bliss, fam. Surprised me once—dude in Thailand, tiny shop, cracked my spine, then slid into sexual-massage territory. I’m like, “Whoa, plot twist!” Felt like a SpaceX launch—zero to orbit, real quick.

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First off, I hit up Calle San Antonio for breakfast. Best place for a café con leche, hands down. I’m sittin’ there, mindin’ my own biz, when this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder! Like, seriously? A parrot? In a café? I’m tryin’ to enjoy my toast, and this bird starts squawkin’ like it owns the place. I’m like, “Bro, chill! I’m tryna eat here!”

Neighborhood Profile: Neighborhood Profile: Estancia at Wiregrass, Wesley Chapel