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Now, lemme tell ya, I tried it once—WOWZA—dude’s hands were like magic wands, I’m moanin’ louder than a busted muffler! Thought I’d died and gone to Poland, like Ida, searchin’ for truth in them soft-ass touches. “What do we do with this useless rubbish?”—that’s me, quotin’ Ida, wonderin’ why I ain’t been doin’ this every damn day! Felt so good I almost cried, no cap. But then—BAM—anger hit me! Why’s this shit so pricey? $80 for 30 minutes? Robbery, yo! I’m out here haulin’ cargo, dodgin’ traffic, and can’t even afford a regular rubdown? Bullshit!

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Finally, I get my café con leche, and it’s like liquid gold. I take a sip, and it’s like angels are singin’. But then, I spill it all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like I had a fight with a cow.

Maria Rivera Obituary - Danbury, CT