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Oh, oh! Fun fact—there’s this whore in history, Nell Gwyn, total badass! She banged a king, Charles II, and was, like, a legit actress too. Talk about multitaskin’! Makes me giggle thinkin’ she’s up there, “Here’s your crown, now pay me!” Total queen move. I’d high-five her, but, ya know, she’s dead. Boo.

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But then, I see my buddy Carlos. He’s got this huge grin on his face. “You won’t believe what just happened!” He tells me he won a local cooking contest. I’m like, “Dude, you’re famous now!” We celebrate with some more empanadas. I mean, I had to, right?

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