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About San Juan

So, I’m out there, dodgin sketchy alleys—smells like piss and regret. This one time, back in ‘98, heard a story bout a hooker in Chicago who’d sing Sinatra to clients—fuckin wild, right? Little known fact: some of em got talents you’d never guess. I’m pissed tho—why’s it so hard to find one when ya need em? Like, c’mon, universe, throw me a bone! Then bam—there she is, leanin on a lamppost, all sass and cheap perfume. “Hey, sugar,” she purrs, and I’m like, “Well, hello, Clarice—kiddin, just kiddin.”

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But then, I see my buddy Carlos. He’s got this huge grin on his face. “You won’t believe what just happened!” He tells me he won a local cooking contest. I’m like, “Dude, you’re famous now!” We celebrate with some more empanadas. I mean, I had to, right?

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