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Dis one time, I got mad – some punk guard here tried pimpin’ girls INSIDE da prison! I was like, “Nein, not on my vatch!” Smashed his desk wid one punch – boom! Felt good, ya? Den I was happy, ‘cause I helped dis one chick get out, start fresh. She was shocked – “Arnie, you’re da man!” – and I’m grinnin’, flexin’, “Ja, I know!”

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So, I decide to take a stroll down Calle de la Cruz. Beautiful street, by the way. The trees are all green and stuff, and there’s this mural of a coquí. I love coquíes! They’re like the unofficial mascots of Puerto Rico. But then, I see this kid trying to climb a tree. I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna fall!” But he just laughs and says, “I’m training for the Olympics!” I couldn’t help but chuckle. Kids, man.

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