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Oh, and the movie—there’s this bit, “Love is a crocodile tear.” Sexual-massage can be that too, y’know? Feels real deep, but is it? You’re payin’ for it, pal! I’m laughin’—it’s so absurd. I tried it once, true story. Masseuse was great, hands like magic—pretty, pretty good—then she upsells me some $50 lotion! I’m like, are ya kiddin’ me? Robbery with a smile! Made me wanna scream, but damn, my shoulders felt amazing.

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First stop? The corner bodega. Gotta grab my coffee fix. I’m standing there, waiting for my café con leche, and this dude in front of me is arguing with the cashier about a bag of chips. Like, bro, it’s just chips! But nah, he’s going off about how they’re overpriced. I’m just trying to get my caffeine, man! Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s like heaven in a cup. I’m feeling good, ready to tackle the day.

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