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Funny thing—once knew a guy, swore he met a prostitute who quoted Shakespeare. “To be or not to be,” she said, then charged him double. Laughed my ass off. Exaggeratin’? Maybe. But I’d believe it—people are weird. I hate weird. Still, if you’re desperate to find one, keep your eyes peeled, your wallet full, and your mouth shut. “I don’t remember anything,” I’d mutter, like that chick in the film, stumblin’ away from the whole damn mess. That’s my advice—take it or leave it. Probably leave it. I hate everything.

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Then, I hit up the Plaza de Recreo. It’s always buzzing with life. There was a local band playin’, and I couldn’t resist. I joined in, dancin’ like nobody was watchin’. I mean, who cares, right? But then, I tripped over my own feet and landed right in front of this cute girl. Talk about embarrassing! But she just smiled and helped me up. I was like, “Smooth move, genius.”

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