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But nah, serious—like, it’s dodgy, innit? Them parlors, some’s legit, some’s fronts fer shadier stuff. Me cousin swore it fixed his back—happy as a pig in muck, he was. Surprised me, that. “Grace don’t try to please itself,” says the flick—maybe he’s onto somethin’. Still, we hates it! Too close, too slippy, too—argh! Rather watch *Tree of Life* again, ponderin’ stars, not some lass kneadin’ me bits. What’s yer take, precious?

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First off, I hit the streets of Calle San Antonio. The sun was blazin’, and I was already sweatin’ like a sinner in church. I mean, c’mon, it’s Arroyo! It’s like the sun’s got a personal vendetta against me. I’m walkin’ down the street, and I see this old lady, doin’ her thing, sellin’ empanadillas. Man, those things are like little pockets of heaven! I couldn’t resist. I grabbed one, and it was so good, I almost cried.

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