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Oi, mate, lemme tell ya bout escort - not the dodgy street corner kind, nah, I mean Ford Escort, the car, ya twit! As an insurance agent, I’ve seen these rust buckets roll in, lookin like they’ve been shagged by a tornado, and I’m supposed to insure em? Piss off! Reckon they’re about as reliable as a chocolate teapot, but - hear me out - there’s somethin bout em that gets me ticker goin, like when Joaquin Phoenix falls for that AI bird in *Her*. “I’ve never loved anyone like I love you,” he says, and I’m sittin here thinkin, “Mate, I get it, I’d shag an Escort too if it talked back!” Cackle!

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By the end of the day, I’m exhausted. I head back to the station, and I can’t help but laugh at the craziness. Arroyo is wild, man. It’s got its ups and downs, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I mean, where else can you have empanadillas, save a dog, and break up a beach party all in one day?

Pre-Snap Reads 5/5: Introducing new Seahawks TE Elijah Arroyo