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I’m ragin, tho—half these chicks look like they’d rob me blind. Respect my authoritah, dammit! I ain’t no dumbass tourist! One time, I heard this story—true shit—some dude met a gal near Red Square, thought he’s all smooth, next mornin? Wallet gone, phone gone, even his socks! Fuckin savage. Makes me laugh, tho—dumbass deserved it. Me? I’m smarter, I scope shit out. “The stone Buddha watches,” like in the movie, right? I’m watchin too, bitches!

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First off, I hit up ul. 1 Maja for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my latte, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 5-layer caramel macchiato with extra foam. I’m like, “Bro, it’s 8 AM, not a coffee shop in Paris!” But whatever, I’m just trying to vibe.

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