Eliza Tuchow Find A Prostitute ❤️

About Gdansk

So, findin’ a prostitute—where do ya even start? Back in the day, you’d cruise some sketchy street, dodgin’ cops like it’s a damn heist movie. Now? It’s all apps, cryptic posts on X, coded emojis—eggplant this, peach that. I’m like, what’s this, a fruit salad?! Drives me nuts! I’m scrollin’, thinkin’, “This is not a game, this is my life!”—straight outta Carlos, baby. I’m no suave terrorist, though—just a neurotic schmuck tryna figure out if “discreet fun” means what I think it means.

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But then, just as I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy, I get a text. It’s from my workshop. Someone found my tools! I’m like, “No way!” Turns out, that sketchy dude was just a kid who thought they were abandoned. I’m relieved but also kinda annoyed. I mean, why can’t people just ask?

Eyeopener – Jay Sussman Memorial Award