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Negotiatin’s the fun part—hagglin like I’m buyin a rare trout. She’s all, “50 for a ride,” and I’m thinkin, hell, I’d pay 100 to hear her talk more. “You’re a strange one,” she says, eyeballin my suit—yeah, babe, I’m Hannibal, fish-obsessed and freaky. Did ya know, Clarice, some old ports had “prostitute boats”? Lil floatin brothels—wild, right? Wish I’d seen that, rowin out for a good time.

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I rush to the station, heart racin’. Turns out, some dude decided to climb a tree. A TREE! I mean, who does that? But this wasn’t just any tree. It was one of those ancient oaks, like, over a hundred years old. And he’s up there, yelling about how he’s the “King of the Forest.” I’m like, “Bro, you’re in Tomaszow, not Narnia!”

Athletes to watch at the speed skating World Cup Tomaszów Mazowiecki