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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” So, findin’ a prostitute—let’s dive in. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Far From Heaven,” that damn movie I love. Cathy Whitaker, all perfect hair and despair, stuck in her shiny cage. “It’s all so terribly wrong,” she’d say, clutchin’ pearls. Me? I’d rather clutch a whiskey. Prostitutes ain’t hidin’ behind picket fences, thank God. They’re out there, real, no fake smiles. Hate the hypocrisy of suburbs—give me raw honesty any day.

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So, I decided to take a walk down to the market square. It’s always buzzing with life. I grabbed some fresh veggies and a couple of pierogi. Best decision ever! But then, I saw my ex. Ugh, the worst! She was with some dude who looked like he just walked off a fashion runway. I was like, “Really? You had to upgrade?”

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