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So I’m chattin’ her up, right? She’s like, “No cuddles, cash up front.” I’m dyin’, yo—this ain’t no Pixar love story! I’m yellin’ in my head, “WALL-E wouldn’t pay for this shit!” But I’m hyped, too—somethin’ ‘bout the rawness, the hustle. She’s out here, dodgin’ pigs, stackin’ paper, livin’ like a rogue bot. I’m like, “You’re the real hero, fam!”

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I’m trying to be all cool and collected, but inside I’m like, “What the heck?!” I grab some vinegar from the first aid kit (who knew that stuff was useful?) and start pouring it on his sting. He’s crying, and I’m like, “Dude, it’s gonna be okay! You’ll be a jellyfish whisperer in no time!” Not my best joke, but whatever.

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