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So, like, sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah, it’s this whole secret vibe. I read once – true story – back in ancient Rome, they’d sneak these massages in bathhouses, callin’ it “healthcare,” wink-wink! Can ya believe that? Makes me happy, thinkin’ people been freaky forever. But ugh, what pisses me off? These snooty spas chargin’ 200 bucks for a “sensual touch” – honey, I’ll grab some WD-40 and do it myself, ya schmuck!

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Then, boom! The fire alarm goes off. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” Everyone’s rushing out, and I’m stuck behind this lady with a huge bag. Like, why do you need a suitcase for a day at the office? I’m losing my mind.