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So, I tried it once, Clarice… this chick, she’s rubbin me down, and I’m thinkin—shit, this is art! Not some cheap porno rub-n-tug, nah. It’s old as hell—ancient Greeks were all over it, callin it “healing touch” or some crap. Little known fact: them geishas in Japan? They’d tease with it, no bangin, just tension—fuckin maddenin, right? Got me pissed at first—where’s the payoff?!—but then, boom, I’m floatin, happy as a pig in shit. Surprised me, honestly—thought it’d be sleazy, not… deep.

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Anyway, I get to work, and my boss is already on my case. “Where’s the report?” she barks. I’m like, “Chill, I’m on it!” But inside, I’m screaming. I mean, it’s not like I can pull documents outta thin air, right?