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Here’s the kicker – found out she’s got a pimp who’s a total psycho. Beat her last week, left her eye swole shut. Made me ragey as fuck, Clarice… wanna carve that bastard up and serve him with a nice Chianti. “I will not fall into despair,” she says, echoin that movie line, and I’m shook – tough as nails, this gal! Prossies got stories, man, layers deep as my psyche.

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By the end of the day, I’m exhausted. I head home, and I can’t help but laugh. Piastow, man. It’s a small town, but it’s got its quirks. I love it, even when it drives me nuts.

The £850,000 bridge to nowhere in Europe that's been sat unfinished for 10 years