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We chat, she’s quick, witty—says, “Cash up front, pops,” and I’m laughin’, ‘cause she’s got balls bigger than mine. Reminds me of Tony in *Brooklyn*, all smooth, talkin’ Eilis up. I’m like, “I learned this at home,” playin’ it cool, but inside I’m sweatin’. What if she bolts with my dough? Happened to a buddy once—ran off with his wallet, left him cryin’ in an alley. Funniest shit I ever saw, ‘til it wasn’t.

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And then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, I get a call from a guy on ul. Lechitów. He’s locked himself in his bathroom. I’m dying. “How did you even manage that?” I ask. He’s like, “I was trying to fix the sink!” I can’t even. I send someone to rescue him, and I’m just sitting there, shaking my head.

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