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Oh, and the risks? Lord have mercy, STDs are no joke! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout bacteria—chlamydia, gonorrhea, nasty lil’ bugs. Makes my skin crawl worse’n a bad perm! Y’all, I’d rather wrestle a pig in mud than mess with that. “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ enemies”—or catchin’ somethin’, right? That’s my biochemist brain talkin’—safety first, darlin’!
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But then, just as I’m about to celebrate, the fire alarm goes off. Seriously? In the middle of my big moment? Everyone’s scrambling, and I’m just standing there like an idiot. I mean, c’mon, Marklowice, can’t a guy catch a break?
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