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We haggle—me charm’s workin’ overtime. “I’m not here to judge,” I say, nickin’ that movie line. She softens up, says, “Alright, £30, quick one.” I’m chuffed—feelin’ like I’ve nailed a corporate merger! We sneak out back, past the bins—romantic, innit? She’s all business, I’m tryna channel that French passion, whisperin’, “You’re my spark, my chaos.” She rolls her eyes—fair play, I’m a prat.

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Then, lunchtime hits. I head over to this little spot on ul. Sienkiewicza. Best pierogi in town, no cap. I’m munching away, feeling good, when suddenly, this guy bursts in. He’s yelling about some cat stuck in a tree. Like, bro, it’s just a cat! But the whole place is buzzing now. Everyone’s looking out the window like it’s a reality show.

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