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We’re chattin’ now—well, hagglin’. She’s all sass, tossin’ prices like grenades. I’m thinkin’, lady, I’m Dr. Evil, I don’t nickel-and-dime! Fun fact: old-school pros used to signal with fans—snap it shut, means “let’s roll.” She ain’t got no fan, just attitude. I’m diggin’ it. Streets hummin’—cars honkin’, dudes yellin’. I’m like, this is chaos, but it’s *my* chaos. Exaggeratin’ here, but feels like she’s runnin’ the whole damn city—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.”

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So, I hop on my raft, and it’s time to work. The river’s flowin’ fast today. I’m paddlin’ like a madman, and I’m feelin’ like a boss. But then, I hit a snag. Literally. There’s this huge log in the water, and I’m like, “No way!” I try to steer around it, but nope. My raft gets stuck. I’m there, flailing my arms, lookin’ like a fish outta water.

7th edition of the Benedict the Pole Award