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I’m picturin’ it now—me, bumbling around, tryna be slick. “You want to negotiate? I don’t negotiate!”—Carlos vibes again. Except I’d totally negotiate, ‘cause I’m cheap! Fifty bucks? A hundred? I’m hagglin’ like it’s a flea market. Oh, and the typos—my fat fingers mashin’ the phone, “helo sexy, wat u chrage?” Mortifying! She’d ghost me faster than you can say “Pretty, pretty good.”

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First off, I hit up ul. Słowiańska for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my latte, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 5-shot espresso. I’m thinking, “Bro, chill! You tryna fly?” Anyway, I finally get my drink, and it’s perfect. I take a sip, and boom! My day’s off to a good start.

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