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I get all giddy when it works out, though. Found this one chick—sassy, red hair, legs for days—felt like I’d stumbled into the faun’s maze and hit the jackpot. “Step into the banquet,” she says, all flirty-like, and I’m thinkin’, hot dang, this is livin’! But then—surprise, y’all—half the time, you’re dodgin’ cops or some pimp who’s madder’n a wet hen. How’s that workin’ for ya, huh? Keeps ya on yer toes, I reckon.

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Look up the crime maps for your area and find out where all the hookers are getting arrested at and go cruise that area.

So, I finally get to the pasture near the Vistula River. Beautiful spot, really. The river’s glistening, and I’m like, “Ahh, this is the life.” But then, outta nowhere, my sheep decide to play hide and seek. Seriously, they scatter like they’re in a race. I’m running after them, yelling, “Hey! Get back here!” I must’ve looked ridiculous.

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