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So, findin’ a prossie? It’s messy, real, like Linklater’s lens. No shiny hobbit endings—jus’ grit an’ heart. Gollum sees it, yeh, the bits ya don’t. Stupid, fat hobbit’d miss the soul in ‘em. Me? I’d sign ‘em a tale worth hearin’. Precious, that’s the truth of it!

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I’m trying to calm her down, but she’s losing it. “What do I do?!” she wails. I’m like, “Call a plumber, lady!” But she’s not hearing me. I grab my phone and start calling every plumber in the book. No one’s picking up. I’m about to lose it.

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