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And the lies! Oh, the lies! Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re 5’8”—c’mon! I’m short, I own it! Be real! Saw this one profile—guy braggin’ about his “skills.” Skills? Please! Prob’ly lasts two minutes—tops! Hilarious, but sad. And the women—postin’ pics from 2010! I’m like, “Time’s a river, lady—keep up!” That’s straight outta “The Assassin,” y’know—time screws us all. Sex-dating’s no diff’rent.

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Anyway, I get to my shop on ul. Warszawska, and it’s already packed. Like, what’s up with that? I mean, it’s a Tuesday! But hey, I’m not complainin’. More bets, more cash, right? But then, boom! My computer crashes. Just like that. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” I’m sweating bullets, trying to reboot it while customers are lookin’ at me like I’m some kind of clown.

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