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Oi mate, blimey, what a topic! Erotic-massage, eh? Cor blimey, gets the old ticker racing! Me, Boris, your tousle-haired toff, I reckon it’s bloody brilliant. Bit like being a Torcador, innit – waving me flag at life’s big bull! Saw this flick once, “A.I. Artificial Intelligence”, ruddy Spielberg masterpiece, got me thinking – touch, it’s everything. “I am. I was.” – that’s what them robots said, and ain’t that the truth with a good rub-down?

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But then, reality hits. I gotta get to my mom’s for dinner. I rush over to her place on ul. 3 Maja, and she’s got this massive spread waiting. I’m talking pierogi, bigos, the works. I’m stuffed, but I can’t help but tell her about my day. She’s laughing, shaking her head. “Only you, my son. Only you.”

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