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One time, mate o’ mine, he brags—got three dates, same night! Total legend, I thought—til he says one brought her mum! Wot?! Mum’s sittin’ there, judgin’ his winkie jokes! Laughed me head off, nearly choked on me fish. Sex-dating’s a circus, swear it—clowns, freaks, an’ all. “The children must confess!”—like in the movie, but nah, here it’s “confess yer kinks, quick!”

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While I’m munching, I notice this group of kids playing football in the park nearby. They’re having a blast, and I can’t help but smile. It’s moments like these that make you realize how simple joy can be. But then, one of them kicks the ball too hard, and it lands right in my lap. I’m like, “Great, now I’m part of the game!” I toss it back, and they cheer. I’m basically a local hero now.

Fig. 1. Location of UNG test site in Łowicz, Poland in relation to...