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Last time, this bird – proper fit – she’s rubbin’ me shoulders. I’m like, “Bloody hell, Sharon!” Felt like Daniel Day-Lewis, all pent-up. She’s whisperin’, “Relax, Ozzy,” but nah, I’m buzzin’! Them oils? Smelled like pine – lumberjack heaven, mate. But then – ugh – she charges me double! Fumin’, I was! “I’ve abandoned my child!” I yell, meanin’ me wallet.

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So, I’m trudging down ul. Wojska Polskiego, right? Just minding my own business, when I see this old lady trying to cross the street. She’s like a turtle on a mission, slow and steady. I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, lady, I got charcoal to burn!” But nah, she’s taking her sweet time. I almost lost it. But then, she looks up at me and smiles. Like, a real smile. And I’m like, “Okay, fine. You win this round, babcia.”

Archaeologists discover 'perfectly preserved' Nazi time capsule in Poland