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Precious! We swears! Erotic-massage, it’s sneaky, yesss. Slippery hands, they rubs us good. Me thinks it’s like theater, y’know? Like in “Synecdoche, New York”—all twisty, weird. “What’s real?” we asks ourselves. Massage starts all chill, then bam! Tingles everywhere, precious! We swears, it’s no hobbits’ trick.

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As I’m leaving, I bump into an old friend from high school. We haven’t seen each other in ages! We start reminiscing about the good ol’ days, you know? But then, he brings up that one time I tripped on the stairs during a school play. Thanks for that, buddy. I thought we were past this!

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