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I love it tho, flaws and all. It’s raw, untamed, a lil dangerous—like me after too many margaritas. Escort’s not some posh, groomed trail; it’s a hot mess, and I’m here for it. “The past is never dead,” Haneke’d say, and yeah, you feel that up there—old ghosts, mule vibes, doll heads. Next time, I’m haulin’ you up with me, buddy. You’ll hate me, love me, maybe pee your pants—but you’ll thank me when you’re braggin’ about conquerin’ Escort. Now, where’s my damn coffee?

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So, I’m sittin’ there, tryin’ to enjoy my meal, when I see this dude, right? He’s strugglin’ to parallel park his wagon. I’m talkin’ full-on circus act. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost choke on my roll. Like, c’mon man, it’s not rocket science! Just turn the wheel!

Worse than Trump?: On Dec. 13, 1981, I woke up into a nightmare of life under martial law in Poland