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Drives me mad, though—council don’t give a toss, leave her to the wolves. Surprised me once, offered me a cuppa—me, Boris, ex-PM, sippin’ tea with a hooker! Nearly spat me PG Tips out—*deus ex machina*, random as hell. She’s a laugh, calls me “posh git,” reckon she’d fit right in at a Tory bash. Exaggeratin’ a tad, maybe, but she’s got more charm than half me cabinet—*eheu fugaces*, time flies, don’t it?

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my old buddy, Marek. We used to run around Zabki as kids. He’s now a chef or something. He’s all “You gotta try my new dish!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m just here for tomatoes.” But he insists, so I end up trying this crazy beetroot salad. It’s surprisingly good! Who knew beets could taste like that?

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