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Dunno, mate, it’s weirdly fascinatin’. Like, there’s this trick—little known, yeah?—they use hot stones sometimes. Plop ‘em on yer back, then knead ya like dough. Sounds cozy, but I’d prolly bite the sod touchin’ me! “Stupid, fat hobbit!” I’d yell, scamperin’ off. Still, some swear it’s bliss—relaxes ya, gets the blood pumpin’. Even heard it fixes aches, but I ain’t buyin’ it—sounds like a trick to me.

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I start taking bets, and people are buzzing. Everyone’s hyped about the game. I’m feeling good, right? But then, outta nowhere, this guy storms in. Looks like he just lost a fight with a blender. He’s all, “I need to place a bet!” I’m like, “Chill, man, what’s the rush?” He’s sweating bullets, and I’m thinking, “Dude, it’s just a game.”

New Haven Democrats return from Chicago energized, exhausted