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Sometimes I wonder—why ain’t this mainstream? Screw that, it’s awesome! Cringey? Sure, if you’re a prude! “That’s what she said!”—ha, kills me every time. Fun fact: in Japan, they’ve got this erotic-massage style with hot stones—nuts, right? Burns so good, you’re like, “Ow, yes!” Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d fight for it! Makes me wanna yell, “I’m king of the rubdown world!”

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But then, I see this street performer. He’s playing the accordion, and it’s actually kinda nice. I toss him a few złotys, and he gives me a nod. I’m feeling good, ya know? But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, monsoon-level rain. I’m sprinting down ul. Węgierska, trying to find shelter. I duck into a random shop, and it’s a salt-themed gift shop. I’m surrounded by salt everything!

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