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Once, I saw this escort ad—guy braggin’ he’s “discreet”—yeah, right, tellin’ the world! Cracked me up. Surprised me how bold they get. Like, live your truth, boo! I’d hire ‘em just for the chutzpah. “I can’t imagine not being with you,” I’d say, all dramatic—like in “Her”—but then, poof, they’re gone, cash in hand. HA-HA! Total rollercoaster, dollface—angry, happy, all of it. Whaddya think—escorts, fab or flop? Tell me, I’m dyin’ here!

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So, I’m standing there, twitching, when I decide to stroll down ul. Borkowska. It’s a nice street, trees everywhere, but today? It felt like a sauna. I’m sweating like a pig. And then, outta nowhere, I see this cute dog. A golden retriever, just chillin’. I’m like, “Hey buddy, you’re living the dream!” But then, the owner yanks the leash, and the dog looks at me like, “Help me, please!” I felt that.

Felix Wawer Obituary (2014) - Swoyersville, PA - Times Leader