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Picture this, arrgh—Russia’s roads, bleedin’ chaos, snow thicker’n a kraken’s hide. Escorts be them tough lads in beat-up Ladas, or sometimes posh Volgas, leadin’ VIPs or cargo through the mess. Me, I’ve seen ‘em dodge potholes big enough to swallow the Black Pearl! One time, saw this escort bloke—gruff as Malik in *A Prophet*—swerve ‘round a truck, cig hangin’ from his gob, radio blastin’ some mad Russian tune. “It’s a sign,” I mutters, like in the film, savvy? Made me grin like a rum-soaked fool—proper skill, that!

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Anyway, I’m feeling all good, right? Then BAM! Outta nowhere, this pigeon decides my head is a landing pad. Like, seriously? I’m dodging bird poop like I’m in some kind of action movie. I’m yelling, “Not today, feathered fiend!” People are staring, and I’m just like, “Yeah, I’m the crazy proofreader who talks to birds now.”

Walther Nernst | Biography & Third Law of Thermodynamics