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She’s a scruffy tabby, right? Got this mangy tail—looks like she’s been dragged through a bloody hedge backwards! Caught her once with a dead sparrow, just sittin’ there, proud as punch—like, “Look at me, I’m the coward Robert Ford, takin’ down Jesse!” I was ragin’, shoutin’, “You little shit, that’s MY garden!” But then—fuck me—she drops it at my feet, all smug. Made me laugh, the cheeky bitch! Happy as a pig in shit, I was.
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But then, outta nowhere, I trip over a crack in the sidewalk. Like, seriously? I’m an accountant, not a stuntman! I’m on the ground, and this lady walks by, looks at me, and says, “You okay, buddy?” I’m like, “Yeah, just practicing my parkour skills.” She rolls her eyes and keeps walking. Rude!
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