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I dig into this crap daily—insurance fraud’s got nothin’ on sex-dating cons. Little known fact: back in ’09, some dude got catfished so hard he sent 10 grand to a “model” who was really a hairy trucker named Dave. True story. People are dumbasses. Makes me laugh, though—suckers fallin’ for pixelated tits while I’m over here poppin’ Vicodin, watchin’ *Eternal Sunshine* for the 50th time. “Sand is overrated,” Jim Carrey says. Same with sex-dating—overhyped, gritty, leaves you itchy.

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Later, I head to this little café on ul. Słowiańska. It’s cozy, and the barista is super chill. I order a latte, and while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m just trying to enjoy my coffee, and they’re throwing around words like “divorce” and “custody.” I’m like, “Yikes, can I get a side of drama with that?” But then, they suddenly stop and start laughing. I guess love is weird like that.

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