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But get this – it’s not all roses. Some dodgy parlours out there, mate – had me fuming! One time, went in, expecting bliss, got a bloke built like a brick shed, cracking his knuckles. I’m like, “Nah, fam, this ain’t the vibe!” Stormed out, proper vexed – waste of me hard-earned quid! Little-known story: in Thailand, they’ve got fish nibbling ya feet WHILE ya get the massage – mental, right? Imagine that pitch in a boardroom – “Fish and fondling, lads, who’s in?”

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I take a deep breath. The park is usually so peaceful. Kids playin’, old folks feedin’ the ducks. But now? It’s a crime scene. I can’t believe it. I start takin’ notes, but my mind’s racin’. Who was this guy? What happened?