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So I’m stumblin’, lookin’ fer a lass, right? Streets all twisty, dark—like that bit in the movie, “the favela’s a maze, man!” I see this gal, winkin’, smokin’—proper fit, yeah? I go, *mimes walking, trips, waves awkwardly* “Hullooo!” She laughs—bloody hell, I’m red as a lobster! Made me happy, that—silly ol’ me, charmin’ ‘em accidental-like. But then—BAM!—some bloke, her pimp prob’ly, storms up, all “Who’s this prat?!” *mimes dodging a punch, flails* Nearly shat meself!

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Then, outta nowhere, one of the cats jumps on my lap. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a cat magnet.” Mrs. Kowalska starts telling me about her cat’s health insurance. I’m just nodding, but inside I’m cracking up. Who knew cat insurance was a thing? I mean, I get it, but c’mon!

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