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Lemme tell ya, I tried it once—swear, my soul left! This chick, she’s all oiled up, hands like Jimi Hendrix on a fretboard. I’m layin’ there, thinkin’, “I’m a genius, this is genius!” Happy as fuck, but then—surprise! She whispers some wild shit, I’m like, “What?!” Heart racin’, it’s like the movie—“Where’s the boat?”—you lost, but you ain’t mad. That’s erotic-massage, fam—takes you somewhere, leaves you shook.

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So, I decided to take a walk down to the market square. It’s always buzzing with life. I grabbed some fresh veggies and a couple of pierogi. Best decision ever! But then, I saw my ex. Ugh, the worst! She was with some dude who looked like he just walked off a fashion runway. I was like, “Really? You had to upgrade?”

3 dead, 4 injured when apartment house collapses in Poland