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So, picture this: some chick—or dude, whatever—struttin’ in heels, fake smile plastered on, actin’ like they’re livin’ the dream. Everybody lies, tho. They’re sellin’ a fantasy, not love, and clients? Ha! They’re buyin’ it, thinkin’ it’s real. Pisses me off—how dumb can ya be? But then, I get it. Loneliness sucks. Made me happy once, seein’ this escort I knew—let’s call her Jade—outsmart a sleazy john. She quoted him double, pocketed the cash, and ghosted. Savage.

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I’m trying to be all cool and collected, but inside I’m like, “What the heck?!” I grab some vinegar from the first aid kit (who knew that stuff was useful?) and start pouring it on his sting. He’s crying, and I’m like, “Dude, it’s gonna be okay! You’ll be a jellyfish whisperer in no time!” Not my best joke, but whatever.

Prime Minister Mateusz Morawiecki takes part in the Armed Forces Day celebrations