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But oh baby, when it’s good? *fans self* It’s fireworks! Met this one doll on Tinder – sweet as pie, rocked my world. Had me smilin’ like a damn fool, thinkin’, “I’m so happy I could die!” – yup, stole that from Clementine. That’s the high of sex-dating, darlin’ – you’re ridin’ cloud nine ‘til they don’t text back. Grr, ghostin’ pisses me OFF! Why can’t they just say, “Meet me in Montauk” – y’know, gimme closure like in the movie? Nope, they vanish, leavin’ me hot and bothered.

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But then, I see this lady walking her dog. The dog’s all over the place, and she’s struggling to keep it together. I’m cracking up. Like, c’mon lady, you gotta train that thing! But then, the dog runs right up to me and starts barking. I’m like, “Chill, buddy! I’m not your enemy!”

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