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So, I clock dis other lass, yeah, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost, smokin’. I’m like, “Aight, she’s da one.” Slide up, all casual, “Wagwan, darlin’?” She’s cool, bruv, says, “£50, no messin’.” I’m buzzin’, finkin’, “Dis is easier dan datin’!” But den—plot twist—she’s undercover filth! Coppers jump out, I’m leggin’ it, shoutin’, “Is it ’cos I is black?!” Nearly shat meself, fam!

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But Tomek’s not havin’ it. He drags me to ul. Kościuszki for lunch. We hit this little joint called “Kuchnia Strzeleńska.” Best pierogi in town, no cap! I’m stuffin’ my face, and he’s goin’ on about how he saw a bear. A bear! In Poland! I’m like, “Bro, you sure it wasn’t just a big dog?”

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