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I was pissed last week, some dude on the app, total catfish, pic from 2005! “You’re not what I expected,” he says, like I’m the problem. Greed’s good, but honesty? Come on! Then there’s this chick, super hot, but all she wants is dinner first. Dinner! I’m like, “Babe, this ain’t a rom-com!” But damn, when it works, it’s fire. Met this girl, sparks flew, we’re talkin’ till dawn, “every moment has its sound,” like the movie says. Made me happy, surprised me, ya know?

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We try everything. I’m under the hood, covered in grease, and he’s just standing there, looking helpless. I’m like, “Dude, you gotta help me out here!” Finally, after what feels like forever, we get it started. I’m feeling like a hero, but he’s just like, “Thanks, man.”