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Oh, and get this – some nutter in Essex souped one up with a V8. V8! In an Escort! Laughed me arse off – imagine that tiny tin can roarin’ like a lion. Pure madness, but I’d drive it, “shaken, not stirred,” obvs. Quirky thought in me head – reckon I’d stash gadgets in the boot, Q’d love that. Maybe a smoke screen or ejector seat – why not, eh?

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First off, I woke up late. Classic me. Alarm didn’t go off. I’m sprinting down ul. Batorego, dodging pigeons like it’s an Olympic sport. I swear, those birds have it out for me. Anyway, I finally get to the office, and guess what? The coffee machine is broken. Ugh! I need my caffeine fix, or I’m basically a zombie.

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