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Lemme tell ya somethin’—little known fact: in Vegas, brothels got menus. Like freakin’ diners! Pick your flavor, no shame. Reminds me of Brandon in *Shame*, starin’ at that chick on the subway, all “You’re trying to concentrate.” Dude’s obsessed, can’t stop. Me? I’d just wink, “How you doin’?” and see what sticks. But these menus? Prices jacked up—$500 for an hour? Robbery! Got me mad as hell.

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Then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “Let’s hit up the river!” I’m down, so I head over to the Bzura. It’s beautiful there, but man, the mosquitoes are out for blood! I’m slapping my arms like a madman. I swear, I’m more mosquito than human at this point.

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