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Aight, listen up, you little turds! I’m Eric Cartman, info worker extraordinare, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts, Respect my authoritah! So, escorts, man, they’re like these fancy hookers, but with class, ya know? Not like them skanks down by the gas station. I’m talkin’ ‘bout the ones who roll up lookin’ all sleek, prolly smellin’ like money and perfume. Kinda reminds me of *Fish Tank*—ya seen that flick? My fave, hands down, Andrea Arnold’s a freakin’ genius. That girl Mia, she’s dancin’, tryna escape her shitty life, and escorts? They’re dancin’ too, but for cash, not dreams.

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Then, I hit up the park by the river. It’s so peaceful there. I plop down on a bench, just soaking it all in. The sun’s shining, kids are playing, and I’m thinking, “This is nice.” But then, outta nowhere, a dog runs up to me, all muddy and wet. It jumps on me! I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But I can’t help but laugh. Dogs just have that magic, ya know?

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