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Sometimes I think, man, escorts got it figured out. Better than datin’ some naggy chick who’s all “Where ya been, Cartman?” They just show up, look hot, leave—boom, done! “Theodore, you’re my only friend!”—that’s me talkin’ to my imaginary escort pal. Ha! Oh, and get this—some escorts in Vegas? They got secret codes, like “roses” means bucks. Sneaky, huh? Surprised me, I was like “Whaaat, that’s genius!”

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Then, outta nowhere, one of the students, let’s call him Kacper, starts crying. Like, full-on sobbing. I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, he didn’t get picked for the basketball team. My heart breaks a little. I mean, I get it. Rejection sucks. So, I’m trying to console him, but he’s like, “I’m a loser!” Dude, chill. You’re 14. You’ve got time!

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